Em's House of Laughs
40 posts
• Page 2 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
by MAULER » Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:57 pm
I laughed in the inside when I saw how absorbent the invisibandages were.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
by lilGenie » Fri Mar 30, 2007 2:59 pm
Any Golf players here? Even if not, enjoy...
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
by Sparky » Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:35 pm
may I add a link to something that had me laughing,, "which doesn't happen
often enough"
maybe you'll have a chuckle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1VL-ZAIfxw
zink..
often enough"
maybe you'll have a chuckle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1VL-ZAIfxw
zink..
by Emazing » Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:56 pm
Things said in court
Who knows if any of these things were really said in court, or if someone just made them all up, but it's pretty funny either way.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did he kill you?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
--------------------------------------------------
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Who knows if any of these things were really said in court, or if someone just made them all up, but it's pretty funny either way.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did he kill you?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
--------------------------------------------------
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
- Corny Brooks
-
- Posts: 976
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 1:52 pm
- Location: England where els!!
by Corny Brooks » Wed Apr 11, 2007 4:48 pm
This is pretty funny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMMfgWhm3g
AND THIS HAHAHAHAH need to watch it all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tirhQrbDe5Y WATCH the end part mission 2
HAHAH THIS 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n0prS-Y_A4 WATCH the dead dude its the second prank
AND THIS HAHAHAHAH need to watch it all http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tirhQrbDe5Y WATCH the end part mission 2
HAHAH THIS 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n0prS-Y_A4 WATCH the dead dude its the second prank
- Corny Brooks
-
- Posts: 976
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 1:52 pm
- Location: England where els!!
by Corny Brooks » Wed Apr 11, 2007 4:56 pm
last 2 HAHAHHAAHAHA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zixFTJ439PI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kdYYcV3xFw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zixFTJ439PI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kdYYcV3xFw
- Corny Brooks
-
- Posts: 976
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 1:52 pm
- Location: England where els!!
by Corny Brooks » Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:02 pm
defiantly last 1 then i'm going to bed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV6ULckcfh0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV6ULckcfh0
40 posts
• Page 2 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 28 guests